5th July 2010

Woke up at 6am to wee. Am so sleepy and drag myself to toilet but making sure I walked carefully.

Went back to sleep immediately and woke up at 10am. Tummy rumbling with wind. Backache also.

1130am saw brown stain on my pantyliner. Called Fenny and couldn't reach her. Sat on th toilet bowl and blood dripped down. Called clinic and no one answer. Finally got hold of Fenny and she asked me to go to hospital.

Went to clinic and was asked to take urine test and my blood pressure was high. Guess I am panicking. My limps are weak and I am very very worried. Am really on the verge of crying.

Never felt so weak. Kept praying all the way and ask God to help me. The thought of losing the baby lingers in my head. Will I blame God if I lose it? No. I prayed to God that no matter what happens I will accept it and that God knows what's best for me. My faith will not falter because of any mishap.

Fenny went in with me to see Doc. Nurse Susan was there. She mentioned maybe is menses and I almost fainted. Told Fenny if its not pregnancy I am going to hyperventilate. She said she won't be able to handle me cos she is pregnant too. LOL.

DR. Ho came in and did a scan for me. Before he scan he cleaned lots of blood away and he showed me that it is bleeding a lot. I really wanna faint. Then when he scan he said pregnancy can still be seen so ask me don't worry.

He then told me that it is very high chance of miscarriage. Gave me 2 dosage of jab and pills to take. The jab is damn painful but no matter what I have to bear with it. Damage today is $300+.

Fenny fetch me home and pick my Mummy up on the way as she bought us lunch. Fenny told me when she spoke to my Mummy she sound like she cried. I felt bad about it. I know she is very worried too.

Reached home and msg my younger Sister in Law and update her my condition. Told her not to tell my hubby about it as I didn't want him to worry. My elder Sister in law called and I told her what happen. She was relieved to hear that the baby is still there.

My hubby skype me and said hi to my and our baby. I really wanna pour out my anxiety to him but I can't be selfish. I know he will be worried and I don't want to affect his work. Hope he wont be angry with me.

Tummy cramp and I feel like passing motion. Blood dripped out again and I don't really dare to exert too much force to pass motion. Wipe myself and the blood is red. I continue to pray while seated on the bowl. Manage to pass motion but the cramp seem to get worst. Back also pain.

Fenny helped me to contact the clinic and seek further advice. Was told it will still bleed but if every hour I need to change my pad then I should admit myself to hospital.

Was so cold just now that I hide under the quilt. While praying in bed I cried. Talked to my baby to cling on to me. Don't leave me and cling on tight. I promise I will love and care for you dearly.

Fenny tapped me and realised I doze off. Time to take my tablet. Every 7, 3, 11, I must take the tablet.

Cramp has subsided. Don't know what to do now.

16.55pm Just went to pee and its still bleeding. Fresh red.

18.30pm Took a shower and blood flowed down. 2 pieces of blood clot flowed out too. Felt devastated but prayed to be strong. Came out from shower and quickly took medication and lie down. Realised I took the medication wrongly. Supposed to take at 11 but I took at 7pm.

19.15pm Felt blood oozed out again. I really don't dare to go to the toilet to pee. :S

2030pm Bleeding again when I pee. Fenny sms to ask how am I when I told her about the blood clot she asked me to call Dr.

Sms Dr Ho, he asked me to take 3 more pills and see him tomorrow morning at 8.30am.
Am very very worried and don't know how I am going to tell my hubby when he calls me tomorrow from airport.

Just broke down and cried my heart out.

My MIL sms me and ask how is everything. Was wondering to let her know my condition or not and decided to tell her that I had a bit of bleeding. She called me and ask me what happen. She sounded worried and sad. I also don't know how to console her.

Fenny and her hubby, Colin came over. 11.40pm Went toilet and saw blood again. Asked Fenny and my mum to see the blood. It is fresh red. Fenny looked worried and I felt more uneasy. Felt that it is not a good sign but I can't do anything.

Fenny said a prayer for me. My prayer was quite negative. Fenny's was reassuring. After the prayer I broke down... I can't hide my worries and sorrows anymore.

My hubby is not around and I am afraid. Maybe I just wanted his comfort. Perhaps to bury my head on his chest and cry out loud. I really don't know. This baby is not just mine. It is ours. It is everyone in the family. I am worried I will disappoint everyone if anything bad were to happen.

Lots of thoughts in my mind. The good, the bad, the right, the wrong. I need to calm down.

How am I going to break the news to my hubby later when he arrives in Singapore? I hope he will be able to handle it especially after a long flight.

No more cramps. I hope tomorrow will be a great day.

Heavenly Father, bless me and my womb, I believe you have bless me with this fruit. Please continue to see me through it. Let it flourish so that we can nurture it. I am confident in being a good mother. Please bless me with strength and perseverance to deal with this continuous bleeding that is going on now. Bless my gynae that he will be able to assist me throughout this pregnancy in a smooth manner. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.