6th July 2010

3.13am Woke up realised I prayed till I slept. Tummy start to feel pain. Seems like gastric. Felt my breast and realised the swollen breast has gone down. in fact since yesterday I realised it has gone down. Wondering if this is the sign that I am no longer pregnant. :(

Got up to get a slice of bread with Nutella and drank water. Went to the toilet and blood flowed out again. Pad is stained like my last visit to the toilet. Water in the toilet bowl is bright red. No clots though.

Checked on the status of my hubby's flight arrival and it still shows delay 7am. Since I turn on the laptop and my mind is overwhelm with praying for the baby. I decided to divert my attention and play games after I finish jotting down all that has happen on this blog.

4.20am Pass out lots of wind. I better get some sleep as I am going to the gynae at 8.30am. :S 

Woke up at 7.20am and received my hubby's sms that he is back. Sent him a reply stating all that has happen yesterday. He immediately called me back and told me that he will meet me at the hospital.

Mummy and Uncle came to pick me up at 8am. We reached the clinic on time and waited for the Dr Ho. Was asked to take a blood test cos if the HCG increase means the baby is growing. Waited for almost an hour and my knees went weak when we were asked to see the Dr. Told my mum I think the baby is gone as my breast doesn't swell anymore and nausea is also gone since yesterday.

True enough, HCG was 3. Was shaking but manage to control my tears and emotions. Its a miscarriage and also known as chemical pregnancy. Nothing can be done if baby rejects so we gotta let it go. Dr. Ho wants me to come back on 14 to do another blood test to make sure it is back to zero.

Next we discuss about my fibroids. It is advisable to remove it and a surgery needs to take place. There will be a cut across my stomach and I will not be able to have natural birth in future which means only Cesarean. It will take place next month after this ordeal I went through.

If I were to get pregnant before the surgery then we will abort the surgery. If I don't remove the fibroids I may have difficulty conceiving. Both my hubby and me agreed we should go ahead and heed the doctor's advice to remove it.

I am of cos scared but for the sake of my offspring I have to do it.

The moment I came out of the room I looked at my Mummy, shook my head, told her its gone and broke down and cried.

Its really emotional for me but am sure I will get over it as it is still early. I rather it happen now then at a later stage. Am sure God has His plan.

Lots of concern and smses came but the more I reply the angrier I got especially from people I do not intend to disclose to but got to know about it. There's nothing good to inform to that particular person as, first I don't like her and second, we are not in touch. I do not see the need at all that she was informed. Her concern to me was plain hypocrisy. 

I am glad I had a supportive husband. He is really great. Without him I don't think I can go through it by myself.

This blog will end here. Its a memory kept here forever.